The angst of Devaki
The angst of Devaki
Yashoda the fortunate mother of Krishna. She listened to his gurgles and bathed him, probably pulling his little fingers as she massaged him. She had the power to soothe him, she fed him a mashed goey mix, which he probably drooled on her, wiping his lips and face with her finger or the edge of her saree. She must have ran behind him in mock anger as the little one ran looking back laughing, his anklets resounding in Brindavan.
And oh when the naughty krishna stole butter from the pot, and lied to her, she punished him, as a mother should only to hug him harder later.She was one of the few women fortunate to rock the creator to sleep.. This can be done through the song itself
The most blessed among mothers, the title --that could easily have gone to someone else Devaki.
Devaki named her first son Krittimat, her second Sushena, third Udayin, fourth Bhadrasena, fifth Rijudasa, sixth Bhadradeha, seventh Balarama and the eighth, she did not get to name
She did not watch her son crawl on the ground,or come running at her call or frolic in the Yamuna, or . but she felt him.
Felt the little embryo grow in her womb, felt the nausea dredging up, felt her stomach growing bigger with the life inside,felt the kicks,felt the tears staining her face, felt the emotional highs of supreme unexplainable happiness and the lows of crushing depression, that only a woman who has a life within would know
Simple at heart and mind, a loving sister, a loving daughter, a beautiful princess, whom men would fight to marry. All she wanted was love, a home, her children, happiness, nothing more………………..What could go wrong?
She had accepted it when her dear brother decided to get her married, What could go wrong?
She had accepted Vasudeva as her husband. The proud brother led his beautiful sister and her husband , driving the chariot. Her being filled with the electric fire, that is expected of a bride. What could go wrong?
And then the voice proclaiming the prophecy that her eighth son would be the death of Kamsa!
.Her brother raised his hand to slay her. Surely her brother would not do that!
And then she heard her husband promising to give up every child to Kamsa………………………………………..Surely her husband would not do that!
And then she gets impregnated by her husband, not once, but eight times.. She goes through the pain and pleasure of bearing a child, by her husband, not once, but eight times.
Surely she would have laid down on her side with her humongous belly , wondering if it were a girl or a boy? Would it have her nose or her husband? Whose eyes?
Surely when she lurched forward in nausea, she would have held her belly in an instinctive gesture of protection.
(Surele she would have covered her belly with her saree to protect the one inside against the hot sun.) Removed as she was prison all thru
When she saw a child or heard a wail, she would have smiled to herself wondering how her little one would wail or laugh.The precious life she was protecting from the outside world.
And then Kritimatt was born. Her own little one to pour the nectar of motherhood into her vacuum of her being as a woman. The umbilical cord was cut
I have given my word said Vasudeva and carried the infant away even before she could look at him.
10 months of pain and pleasure brought to nothing
she felt like shouting, He is mine. I created him, in my own being, how can he belong to someone else! She refused to get pregnant again only to be persuaded by her husband that the eight child will change everything.
Not once, not twice 8 times and the eighth time, he was god himself. It didn’t feel different though, it was just as painful.
She had still not made herself accept that the universe in its grand pattern had taken her womb on rent.
Isn’t what is in a woman's womb hers alone?
Why does the universe feel it can claim it once the umbilical cord is cut?
What right does the universe have to take her child away?, whether it is Krishna for the good of the universe,or a child a surrogate mother bore for someone else or a female child in a land where girls are not wanted?
She turned away, drinking her tears as a part of her was taken away by Vasudeva. She heard the bars breaking and her husbands shackles collapsing . She heard his footsteps move away in the dark, as a prayer rose in her hoping that he would safely reach his destination. But wasnt there any other way? Wouldn’t the universe be kind enough to let her hold her own to herself once more?
It was a dark stormy night. The Yamuna would be in spate. Would her little one get soaked What if the wind forced the bundle out of her husband’s hand?
As Vasudev marvelled and rejoiced thankfully at the miracle of Vasuki protecting his son’s journey to freedom , becoming an umbrella himself, Devaki cried in an anguish of self hate and wallowed in self pity, wishing she had been stronger, doubting her motherhood for no fault of hers, a mother who would never be showered with the glory of being one.
The banks of Yamuna was blessed with Krishna’s presence, a blessing given to them by Devaki.
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