Pride not Prejudice

 

1. Jab we met

A riot of rainbow colours was exploding as the march progressed.! A multi-coloured sea of head gears, clothes, accessories, and banners, some were shouting slogans while some were dancing, and some of them were just walking along. There was a space for everyone in this parade. 

Slogans (Pride not prejudice, Break the binary, I am proud to be me)

Dum Dum Dum the sound of drums erupted to loud cheers. 

Ryan started clapping and then found his feet tapping and dancing

The next thing he heard was an ouch and he saw someone swaying forward in a fall?

Oops, had he stepped on someone’s toes? Even as he tried to turn around, the falling lady was caught and steadied and a fall was averted. Whew!

“So sorry so sorry,” he apologized,” Are you ok?”

“I am fine. The environment is so infectious. I understand,” Prithy who had nearly fallen, smiled.” Thank you” she told the hand that was still holding her.

“No Problem,” said Veena. “Isn’t this great? This is my first time here. I am loving it. I haven’t seen anything like this before. I should thank Sameer for this!”

“Oh! Sameer Raj?” asks Ryan.

Getting an affirmation, he says,” Nithya keeps talking about him and Shakthi. Glad to meet you” he continued.

“Shakthi” that is my daughter” laughs Prithy.  I am so happy that I met you both at last.

They laugh and then as their eyes meet, laughter dissolves into tears at the journey their children have gone through.

Back to the time when they first held their little one in their arms, crying and flailing and they promised the little one that they would be there for them always and then forward again to the day, which had become a test of that promise.

That day is when the story begins, and I want all of you to come with me there

 

2. One day- that day...

The school auditorium was buzzing with music, whoops and shouts. It was crazy. The school was in the grip of the annual musical fever and today was audition day. It was fun and what’s more, they got to miss classes and gossip during school hours.

Shakthi, a 10th grader had come up with this amazing idea of a modern take on Romeo and Juliet. , the classic love story. A business rivalry between 2 corporations with Ai engineered coups Everyone loved her script. And she loved appreciation.

The Theatre teacher was calling out,” You are Juliet Nithya. Come here. You are the best actor in our school.” 

Nithya said,” I am ma’am. But I will do Romeo”

“And I will be a 1-year-old baby,” the teacher joked. “Stop fooling around. The way Shakthi has written it, you will love Juliet…”

“Mam,” Nithya cut her off, “I read the script. I will do amazing as Romeo as well. I am not Juliet. I am Romeo. Please let me…”

“Nithya, stop it,” said the principal.” Always so disruptive. Do you want to play Juliet or….

“No ma’am. I will be Romeo and you cannot stop me” she shouted, and everyone turned towards the sound. Sameer the head boy who was handling the selection of singers walked up to the stage,” Nithya, you’re shouting man, he whispered.

Nithya broke out and looked at the auditorium. The students looking at her sniggering, laughing. 

She turned and ran. Sameer went after her.

The boy next to Sameer called after her “Romeo”, “O Romeo, where art thou” and bent over laughing and slapped Sameer. “Yeah, she is crazy,” he said and forced a grin

“Nithya, hey, dude, what is this?  You could do Juliet so easily. You are so insanely talented. Why are you chumma doing drama?”

“Drama?” she turned and lashed at him,” Do you even know what it means When the world thinks you are Juliet, and you are Romeo? You would never understand the pain of having to pretend to be someone you are not. I honestly just hate all of you! “She ran out.

Sameer stood stunned. He knew what it was to pretend. He did that all the time. He was part of the cool gang, laughing at the jokes he was expected to laugh at, pretending to be some sort of heartthrob because well, it was cool. His mind flashed back to the boy on Instagram whose story he replayed a million times. He closed his eyes to erase that image. He could not think like that.  It was wrong!!!!

Shakthi looked at him as he entered,’ She always has to do this. Steal the limelight.” She muttered. She crossed her arms and stood. Couldn’t Nithya for once keep quiet and do what others had wanted her to do? 

Shakthi believed in that. Stay cool carry on, and behave how others want. Then you are free to live your life. That was what she did. Shakthi was bisexual. Last year she had a great relationship with Tins from the gym and this year she was with Sameer.  What would come out of announcing this?  Bullying? Hatred? At the worst. At the least, Pretty much everyone would assume that she was just with any commitment,  or silly and confused. 

Shakthi did not want to take that. She liked her friends and family. She did not want to antagonise them! So she would live the way she wanted to live. No one needed to know.  Why was Sameer looking peculiar? Had Nithya told him?

3. You know when you know.

Nithya ran from the auditorium from Sameer. She was a fighter. She had always been. But what was she fighting now? Her feelings? The world? Herself? As she walked without knowing where she was headed, her thoughts went back

Growing up, she had always been sort of a loner. She was briefly friends with Shakthi, and Sameer, but she had little patience for people.

One day, when she was 10 years old, she had played the role of Krishna in a dance. As she played the role, she had realised she felt closer to herself as Krishna.  It was startling. And after the performance, when she looked at the mirror, she did not see Nithya,

She had asked her mother,” Can I change my name? To Nithin? I like it better mom” Her mother had burst out laughing.

She walked past roads she did not know, but she did not even know that she was walking.

Why couldn’t her family understand that it was Nithin within her and not Nithya? The anger in her grew till it was a balloon ready to burst. She started isolating herself so that no one would ever treat her like a girl. From her parents, from her friends.

A car honked at her crossing the road. She did not notice.

And then there was this thing about acting. As Nithya had started getting older, everyone realised that she was an amazing actor. She was always cast in female lead roles in school. She hated these. Wearing Nithya’s clothes was one thing, but wearing another role’s clothes as an actor was impossible!

When she had read Shakthi’s script. She had loved the role of Romeo, and the way he expressed his feelings. Romeo seeped into her. And she had for once asked the world for something! Why had she even expected these ignorant people to understand?

She stopped; she didn’t know how long she had walked. Where was she?  It was a busy intersection. It was getting dark. She turned around panicking. 

“What happened child?” asked a voice. She looked to see a transgender. She had only seen them from inside the car. Her mother always rolled up the windows when they came.

Out of instinct, she quietly slipped her smartwatch into her pocket.  The person saw that and laughed. “I am already smart. I don’t need a smartwatch. Are you ok?” Nithya looked up at the concerned eyes.

Something made her speak,” I don’t know who I am, who I want to be, what is right and “How did you know who you are?” She burst out.

The transgender looked at her and said,” Your mouth may lie, so will your eyes, and so will the world, but you know what is within yourself, that does not lie. Listen to it child and don’t be afraid to explore

Nithya nodded her head.

“Now go home,” said the transgender and handed her some money for the auto. “Come back and tell me when you find out”

Nithya nodded gratefully. She would not go home. She had something to do before that.

4. Too hot to handle

The rest of the day was a haze for Sameer. His mind went back again and again to what Nithya had said,” You would never understand the pain of having to pretend to be someone you are not!”

 After school, he was playing basketball with the team, when he heard his teacher call out to him,” Sameer, do you know where Nithya went? She is not back home apparently, and her phone is switched off!”

“What, no!” he quickly jogged towards the teacher. It was well over 2 hours after the school bell.  “She must have walked off Ma’am. She does that sometimes”

“Her phone is here and so is her bag. And she hasn’t told her parents anything. They are worried. Can you come and help Sameer?”

They started calling out to her friends, which was not many. He knew Shakthi had been friends with her in the past. He called her. She did not know anything, but she said she would come to school to help. Shakthi was an amazing friend.” Thanks, baby,” he said

Everyone thought they were the perfect pair. Every post of theirs on insta was such a hit and got a lot of ooohs and aahs. Both seemed to have become more popular after they got together! Good-looking, quick-witted, smart, everyone thought the pair made it beyond school too.

Except, every time he saw her, talked to her, or thought about her, he was racked by guilt. And the times they held hands and kissed, he hated himself. He felt like a liar and a cheat. He was not interested in her romantically. Yet that is exactly what she thought. He could not bring himself to tell her the truth. That he did not find girls attractive. What if she told everyone?

His friends would turn away from him in an instant. All the peer adoration he had built over time, would just dissolve. He had been a part of the group that made fun of the kids who felt confident enough to come out. He could not imagine being talked about like that, with those slurs. What if they thought that he was trying to hit on them? Would they beat him up?

“I don’t even know myself,” he whispered, not realising that he had said it aloud and Shakthi was looking at him peculiarly. She reached out to hold his hands and he jerked them off instinctively.

And then it hit him. He had been thinking only about himself. Was Nithya going through the same tumult as him? Guilt racked him again. He should have been one to understand her and know how she felt, but instead, Outwardly, he appeared cool and in command, inwardly he was cursing himself.  He should come clean with Shakthi at least.

 

5. Let sleeping dogs lie

Shakthi had seen Sameer go after Nithya and was scanning the door. When he came in, she met his eyes. Why was he looking like he was torn apart? He smiled at her, the mild fakey smile, he had been giving her the last month or so. Shakthi wished she was not so perceptive to people and herself, but she was. 

They were together, Sameer and her. She liked him, easy humour, good looks and very cool They had been having a great time.  Everyone seemed to think they were a great pair too. She made an Instagram account for them together too- Sa n Sha, she called it and that was quite popular.  Till recently when she started finding him fake. Had someone seen Shakthi with Tina, and told him about the 2 of them kissing? But that was before.

Shakthi had known that she was bi for a couple of years. Initially, she had been ashamed about her feelings, but Shakthi being the smart one that she was, had done research and found out all about her sexual orientation and had become comfortable about it. 

But telling others, that was not something she was prepared for! She knew she would come across as confused. She did not want to waste time, defending herself, or explaining herself. She believed in letting sleeping dogs lie. Why stir the hornet’s nest, if it was not needed?

The rest of the day Sameer was very distant. He hadn’t even seen her when she had called out to him, playing on the basketball field.

And then she got a call from him at 5:30. “hey” she said brightly’

“Dude, Nithya is missing. Her parents are worried, “he said

“Ahh! She must have gone off somewhere, when did she ever care about others?” she said irritated at the concern in his voice.

“No Dude, I think something is wrong. Can, you come to the school?” he pleaded.

She had gone to the school, for Sameer, she told herself.  She had been good friends with Nithya a few years back. But Shakthi was friends with everyone. And then, suddenly Nithya had just moved away, stopped speaking even. Shakthi didn’t care

Sameer was stressed, that was understandable. But why was he avoiding her eyes? As she sat down next to him, she heard him say,” “I don’t even know myself,”

Who was he talking too? She reached out to hold his hands and he jerked them off with a violence that shocked Shakthi.

Something had changed. Something was wrong. She knew. Shakthi was hurt, but she did her best to hide it. As she had said before, why stir a hornet’s nest?

 

6. The end of the day

It was past 7 pm. There was no news of Nithya. The principal called Sameer and Shakthi to her room,” Again, I am asking you, was there something she said, the last few days? Was something wrong with her?”

Wrong with her? Sameer wondered, what could he say? Was something wrong with her or with him or with the world?  Shakthi replied,” No ma’am”

The principal sighed,” Go home children I will ask Trupthi mam to drop you. Wait in the reception. Don’t walk off. Enough lost kids for 1 day”, she warned.

They walked silently through the deserted corridors., Shakthi whispered,” Hey, it was not your mistake. You didn’t do anything. Relax-?” 

He stopped and shot back, “That, that - nothing to do is the problem. Nothing. That is what we do Nothing” He walked away

In the silence as Shakthi stood alone, she heard the sound of someone giving a speech? From the Audi? Who could it be? It was pitch dark inside.

Shakthi called out in a whisper, “Sameer! come here quick” Motioning to the Audi and then to her lips, she moved towards it. Sameer too walked back and stopped.  They could hear a voice, small, but powerful. They quietly walked in. Pitch dark, and deserted, but it was as if the auditorium was listening in attention. 

It was Nithya speaking as Romeo,

Look at that light in the window.

It's Juliet, she’s like the sun.

Rise up, bright sun, and outshine the jealous moon,

Who’s already looking sick with envy

Because Juliet is way more beautiful.

There she is, my love!

If only she knew how much I love her..

Look at her, resting her cheek on her hand.

Oh, I wish I were the glove on that hand,

So I could touch that cheek."

As she finished Shakthi erupted into applause. Nithya turned and shouted,” What are you doing here? Leave me alone” and started to run. Sameer chased her and caught her.

“Stop Nithya, where will you run bro and for what?” he shouted and shook her.

Shakthi came up and hugged her” I don’t think anyone can do it like you do bro,” she whispered. “You’ve absolutely killed it as Romeo.”

Nithya looked at her suspiciously and then calmed down a bit.  She looked at Sameer standing behind Shakthi, “I don’t know what else to do! I can’t do this anymore” She stopped and then blurted out,” Be Nithya when I know that I am Nithin. Play Juliet when my body is pushing me to be Romeo…”

Suddenly there was a sob. Shakthi turned back. It was Sameer, “I can’t either bro. I am done with it. Nithya you are talking about a role. I am just playacting all the time I hate that I can’t even be myself! I hate when people look up to me for what I am not! I am such an imposter! I am sorry, Shakthi! I really don’t have any feelings for you or any other girl. I just don’t know how “He burst into sobs.

Shakthi stood rooted, not moving an inch. She had thought she was perceptive. How had she missed this? Maybe she had so wanted the relationship to happen, with Sameer? Sarcastically, she spat in anger,” You should play a part in the play dude! What an actor?” she said, walking off.

“Stop Shakthi,” It was Nithya.” You would never understand how it feels to be confused about your identity; it kills you da. The stupid world does not understand…

She stopped at the look on Shakthi’s face. “Stupid world this, that, don’t you understand that you are part of this stupid world too? Who are you angry with Nithya? “

She turned to Sameer and looked down,” I have something to say too. I am bi. I have had relationships with other girls…

Sameer looked at her in shock and then started laughing,” Here I was feeling guilty, and you have been two-timing me!” Shakthi retorted,” See that is why I never say anything. I Don’t want to hear these labels. I never 2 timed you. I just know who I am, and I am comfortable with that!” 

Sameer started to talk back, when Nithya whispered,” When did you know?”

Shakthi looked at both, ““I just started feeling attracted to a girl in the gym and was so confused. I hated myself for it, till I read up and understood. It is valid. There are many others like me!” “I always knew,” said Nithya. I was just fighting it. I don’t know why,”

Sameer said bitterly,” How do we deal with this? just stay in the closet forever and hide who we are?”

“No,” said Nithya, “No. I am going to come out and tell. I don’t care about the world!”

“Wait To Tell the world is fine. But let us tell in a way they will understand. Then they will be with us too.,” said Shakthi,” I always thought I was alone here, but with the 2 of you, I am more comfortable that I am different. Nithya, you have the courage, I have the words and Sameer here can convince anyone. Why don’t we together help each other to convince the world, make them understand and accept us as ourselves?”

“Come on dude. Hold the writer in you. How are you going to do that?”

“Through the play,” Shakthi said,” I have an idea.  Let us use this musical to help our school understand that we all have different identities and orientations. They need to accept us, Friends, teachers, families, parents”

“Parents,” that will not happen,” said Sameer, but a little doubtfully.

Shakthi pulled them both up,” May not be, but at least, it should not be because we didn’t try! Let us start with our parents first then”

When the night ended, they had a pact and a plan

Epilogue

 The three friends worked together to help their parents understand and to sensitise their friends and teachers. They started with the people close to them.  They helped them understand how they wanted to be addressed. They talked about their feelings and the boundaries they wanted to set

They were surprised to find that 

a. Not all were prejudiced

b. Many who were willing to learn and accept

c. Those who understood were willing to help them.

d. many others are struggling just like them

After all, what they were struggling with was theirs, but every child has a struggle as they grow up and morph as adults. They could understand.

And the play did happen with Nithya/ Nithin playing Romeo and what a play that was 

There was applause and applause and applause

What's more

Nithya who wasn’t comfortable with the gender she was born into accepted her new gender identity and grew her talent in acting as Nithin. She realised that she could lean on other people sometimes too.

Sameer accepted himself as gay and remained the most popular head boy. He realised that when his friends understood, they still thought he was cool because he was such a natural leader.

Shakthi learnt that it may not always be best to let sleeping dogs lie. It may be hard work to make other people overcome the prejudices of her being bisexual. But once she was able to do it, she found acceptance and not labels

And the most beautiful part was that they were able to help others like them

 

Behind the scenes- 

Meet the parents

 Prithy- who wants to make sure that nothing bad ever 

Prithy saw the WhatsApp message on the family group at 12, night

Mom, Dad, I want to talk to you. Tomorrow at breakfast, something important

“Talk to you, what did it mean? “Her antennae went up. Why a message on the WhatsApp group? She was disturbed, that too after the commotion in the school yesterday. She wished Shakthi had called her immediately when her classmate had run away. She could have helped! She immediately went up to Shakthi’s room and knocked.

“Hey, is everything all right?”

“Mom, I am sleeping. What even?” came the voice.

Sleeping? She checked the time of the message, 20 minutes before. She couldn’t be sleeping already.

Prithy couldn’t sleep. She made a mental note of all the issues Shakthi could be facing and thought about how she could help her. Was she having a relationship issue, an eating disorder, studies?

 The first thing in the morning, she messaged her teacher, subtly she thought

Wanted to check if you need any help with the musical? With Shakthi?

She also messaged Shakthi’s friend’s mother.

 Did you get to know anything more about what happened in school yesterday?

She was swiping up and down on the phone, alert with coffee in hand, Shakthi’s favourite breakfast made and a notebook by her side, waiting for Shakthi to come in.

“Hey, she said cheerily,” sleep well?”

“I would have if you had let me!” came the groggy reply.

“What do you want to say? “She sat leaning forward

“Wait mom! Let me wake up and have some coffee!” came the reply.

When she finally sat down, Prithy put her hand over Shakthi’s “Hey, don't worry, we will solve everything. If there is a problem, I can talk in the school. If there is a problem with your friends, I can take care of it. If you are tense about the annual day, I can teach you some breathing exercises.” 

Shakthi took a deep breath,” Mom, I needed you to know that I have been thinking a lot about it and I am bi.”

“Meaning?” said Prithy

Shakthi took a deep breath,” I am bisexual. I find myself attracted to both the genders.”

Prithy was silent and then took a deep breath, “Oh darling, I am glad you told me. Children do feel confused as they grow up and it is normal, just the hormones playing havoc. And all that you see on social media. I always knew I should have monitored your insta. I know a counsellor. We will get this sorted. Don’t worry. You are not alone…”

“Mom, please stop. I know I must sound confused and this must sound shocking for you. But I am not. I just know mom. I know myself. I will talk to the counsellor. I think it will help me too, but first, just once can you listen to why I feel that way? I don’t need you to correct this for me! I need you understand me and support me as I find my way!”

“Can you do that?” 

 Veena- A cheer leader  now and always

Veena got off her phone with a smile as Sameer walked in. She quite liked her post about the wonderful chocolate ganache her son Sameer had made. Already it was getting so many likes. Sameer was a natural cook and natural look too.

“Here comes my Head boy. I loved the way you handled it yesterday, with that girl, Nithya running away and all.  So responsible. I am so proud” she said with a laugh,” Did you see my post on the chocolate?”

“It is cool mom,” he said and gave her a hug,” Have you got a minute, maybe like an hour? I want to talk”

“Sure! Anytime for you.”

Sameer took a deep breath and said, “Ma. I know this may come as a shock to you. I don’t know how else to tell you. I have been struggling with myself a bit and upset”

She hugged him,” I am sure that it will all be fine. You are such an amazing person. You can handle it whatever it is!”

“No ma. I am not an amazing person, just ordinary and I don’t even know if I can handle it. I am gay. I sort of knew it sometime back. But I could never acknowledge it and now I have,” he finished in a rush.

Silence. Then she said,” Sameer I believe in you. I understand that you are feeling that you are gay, but you are strong. I am sure that you will be able to come out of this. I have always been proud of you”

“Stop ma. I am not that perfect person that you want in me. I cannot be anymore.  I have made many stupid mistakes just like others and now I want to correct some. There is nothing to come out of. I am gay and I want you to accept it,” he said.

Veena put her head in her hands,” What will everyone say Sameer? They will think I am., I didn’t care enough. I have always been there for you encouraging you. I make sure to celebrate every of your success. What did I do wrong?”

“Ma, wait this is not about you. Nothing you have done has changed anything.  It is about me. If you do want to celebrate me, be proud of who I am rather than proud of who you want me to be!

“Can you do that?”

 

Ryan -Non interference is the way

When Ryan came home, he heard the music blasting from Nithya’s room. He knocked on the door and said,” Turn it down dear. I have a call”. He did not expect her to open the door and was quite shocked when she did. 

Nithya opened the door and said,” Dad, I need to talk to you, about something important.’

“Sure Nithya, tell me. I have 10 minutes. Come up to my room and as I set up my laptop,”

“No dad. I need you to listen really. Can’t you do that for once?” she shut the door.

Ryan finished the call. He thought he will go to Nithya’s room and ask her But stopped. He didn’t like pushing.” If she wants, she will come back. Why push her and make her uncomfortable. He thought.

She did come out for dinner. “All good? “He asked. She grunted and sat down. He started talking about the match.

“Dad., I said, I have something important. Wont you ask me?’ she exploded.

“I was waiting for you to tell me. I am always there for you dear” he said.

Nithya walked to the window, looked out and blurted” Dad, I want to change my name to Nithin, and I am also Nithin. Do you understand? I realised that I feel like I am a male, but you all thought I am a girl and…. ” She stopped

Ryan looked at her and said,” Ok. How are you feeling?”

“Confused,” she said a tear streaming down.

Ryan took a deep breath, “I am confused too. I don’t know about this Nithya. I guess you can do whatever you want to do.”

“No dad, I don’t want to do whatever I want to do. I want you to understand and help me understand. I own my identity, but I want you to own it too, please” she said.

Ryan said,” What do you want me to do Nithya? I love you, but always thought I should not interfere”

“Maybe sometimes you should dad. Interfere and hold a mirror to me which will help me get clearer?” she hugged him.

“Can you do that?”